Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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