are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
