I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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