Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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