She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
