A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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