whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
