Soap is not a condiment
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
