Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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