no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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