She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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