1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
