there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
