If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
