Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I want a musical about memes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
