I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...