Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.