So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.