babies were throwing up all over the place
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.