so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.