he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
