I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
