either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
