Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
