I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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