actually, I'm a sock model
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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