Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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