Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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