sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
