I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
