i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
