shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize