ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
