Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
