hotel room ftw
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
