The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
