Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
