I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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