This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
