What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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