Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
