O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
