Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize