hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
