Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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