So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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