i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize