Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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