a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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