There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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