can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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