last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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