I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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