dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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