I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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