So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
