things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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