they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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