she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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