Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
