peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
MIDGETS
????
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
