This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
