It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
