my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
