I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
