when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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